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I saw this film in the theater last fall (1999), and the protagonist Alex's self-destructive quest into hard drugs and graphic anonymous unsafe sex still haunts me. Hitting close to home, the movie helped me realize certain things about the nature of many gay men torn between being accepted by society and being accepted by oneself. The film, more than just one down note after another, says that sometimes we cannot have both. Alex needs to express his homosexuality but has grown up in a strict orthodox Greek family in Melbourne, Austraila. The family serves as a microcosm for today's critical attitude toward homosexuality and Alex as a symbol for the gay man's (and gay woman's) struggle for acceptance. Since he can't have both, he doesn't want either. And Alex -- a beautiful, heart-breaking, masculine man -- fills his day with the most gratuitous, disturbing acts imaginable. But the film somehow breaks through the barrier of self-pity and self-loathing by portraying the most extreme nature of gay men in a way that distances itself just far enough. We the audience promise never to get as bad as Alex. We walk away shaking our heads, trembling from a life that's never too far from our reaches. Head On is a must-see for any gay man struggling with identity and how it's better to accept the hate of others than to accept it as a part of yourself.
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